Well, it’s been a few weeks since my dad died, and I’d say things are getting back to normal for Lisa and me except for some craziness from a few people who “are trying to help.” I’m lucky in that my friends and coworkers have been incredibly respectful and supportive, with an emphasis on supportive—none have turned my family’s tragedy into an opportunity for gawking or gossip. While Lisa’s gotten a lot of support from many close to her, her experience hasn’t been quite as good as mine, and has encountered some comments and inquiries from a few select people who could charitably be described as lacking common sense. I’ve given her some recommendations on how to screw with them in response, but she’s sensibly persevered and risen above such behavior.
My mom seems to be doing OK, all things considered. Speaking of people who are unhelpful, two of her neighbors, people my father feuded with on a number of occasions over the past decade, have now been trying to acquaint themselves with my mom. I won’t fault them for that, but their approach could be a bit more refined. Consider the post one of them put on my brother’s Facebook page, which was more than a bit weird considering their and my parents’ history:
Just to let you know…..I love my new found friend…your mom. We have her back for anything she needs! It was so nice to talk to her again yesterday! She is such a sweetheart! We’ve waited 10 years for this. She is the BEST! Look forward to the bon fires in summer with her! Can’t wait to meet you in person. Your mom is in good hands. If you ever feel she needs someone to come give her a hug….give us a call 920-793-____.
Well, OK, but all because our father has passed doesn’t necessarily mean we instantly like you, mmkay? We’re open, but slow down a bit. Then there was the piece of work she posted on the page of one of my parents’ close friends. (Emphasis mine.)
You know something ____? Kathy is such a sweet person. She is able to reach out to us and be able to just talk. To hear the joy in her voice….she is such an amazing person that I always felt she was. For her to call me and be able to talk about the weather, her future landscape,facebook, the snow….and to top it off…her new found freedom to express her love for her kids and grandchild is just beautiful! To know she will be able to express her unconditional love is amazing! We (____, _______, __, and I) are looking forward to adding this beautiful woman into our neighborhood “girls club”. We’ve waited 10 years for this! It’s her turn now and she deserves it! Thanks for being such a great friend to her. The BEST is to come for Kathy!
Seriously… My mom just lost her husband of almost 41 years, someone she stuck with through good times and bad, and this is their response? Holy crap.
Not that this needs to be said, but my mom never had any hesitation to express her love for her kids, or her grandson. While fully recognizing that my dad was often not an easy person to deal with, my mom wasn’t a captive in their house and the suggestion as such is just bullshit.
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Other than fuckers messing with our shit, life is pretty much back to normal this week, which means I’m busy at work and scrambling to get homework done. Lisa and Mathias are planning on heading down to visit her parents this weekend, which should give me some time to take care of some things around the apartment and to get ahead on my coursework. There’s also some travel planning that needs to be taken care of for our pending trip to Texas in a few weeks (my brother is getting married!), as well as a lot of thank-yous to write for support we’ve received from so many friends and relatives over the past few weeks.
And with that, I have a 7:30 AM conference call with colleagues in India, so it’s time for me to calm down a bit so I can get some sleep. More later.